"Wisdom in My Hands"

Whoever said that time couldn't stop was wrong. At least, this is how I see it. Time stops and doesn't keep moving until you snap out of your trance and realize time was standing still. By then, you've already started time again subconsciously, so there's no trace of the fact that time had ever stopped in the first place.

I thought of this while I was having yet another glorious day in my misery. I was staring, pondering this limbo of heartbreak and disaster, stress and depression, joy and excitement, birth and renewal.

I've never been s bruised and broken and yet liberated and motivated at the same time...! One instant I'm that little girl who just lost her first true love; the next moment I'm planning my next entrepreneurial escapade, and sorting through business correspondence on my e-mail. Either I'm becoming cold and heartless, or I'm truly learning how to benefit from heartache, and thrive on despair.

I can't love you this much...

 "I'm coasting, I'm coasting on a dream.

I'm coasting, this one's for you and me."

[Zion I]  

Delayed reaction.
My hearts breaking like the plate
that I want to slam into the wall on the other side of the room.

I fell off as predicted, but how foolish I would have been to hold on.


I shattered dreams. Shattered myself in the process.
Only to put myself back together a new soul.
Betrayed, disobeyed, and relayed renegade,
I saved myself from the bitter downfall.
Still haunting me with whispers of that epic faith.
The boundaries crossed, the vast lengths and strengths.

Yet I did it again.

I let myself fall...fast into the arms of ecstasy
As I gave my hand to a new hero.
A quickly painted family picture and a newly warmed heart.

Not a girl friend, a wife.
A man offering me a real life.


But even faster than I fell for my jailbird,
faster still than I left his side,
my new partner was kissing me good-bye.
 I'm stressed, I'm sick, I don't want to talk to you.

It's not just you, I don't want to see anyone.

Was it a trick, a future too good to be true?
A destiny I cannot stomach as the rollercoaster bounds off course.
But a wreck I must walk away from, a hurdle I must leap...
a journey I must take to retain my pride.

A man too denied to not be a lie

And it still isn't enough to simply run away and hide.

“I‘m about to lose my mind, you‘ve been gone for so long”

“What a beautiful mess I’m in
Spending all my time with you
What a sweet addiction that I’m caught up in
Cause I can’t get enough
Can’t stop the hunger for your love
What a beautiful mess I’m in”

[Diamond Rio]

 

“I think he hates me deep down I know he does
He wants to erase me

I keep on runnin keep on runnin and nothing works
I can’t get away from you
I keep on talkin keep on talkin and nothing helps
I can’t stop missing you
 

A couple weeks no talkin I see my baby
I missed ya so damn much
I wish we could start over I told my baby

This what he tells me
I keep on runnin keep on runnin and nothing works
I can’t get away from you
I keep on talkin keep on talkin and nothing helps
I can’t stop missing you” 

[Kid Cudi]

“I'm starting to feel distant again..

So decided just to pick this pen up

And try to make an attempt to vent...

I know some shits so hard to swallow
But I can’t just sit back and wallow

In my own sorrow

But I know one fact 

I'll be one tough act to follow

Don‘t let them say you ain‘t beautiful,
They can all get fucked just stay true to you” 

[Eminem]