I know the best high in life is the look in the eye of someone who truly loves you, and loves sobriety. To have and to hold, love and protect. I would give-up practically everything to see that look in his eye again, but my maturity and reality are take the reigns in my life. I am so deep in epiphanys I can't even begin to understand how dope has such control over me. I am so strong after the last three years, so sure of myself, that I am completely embarassed and ashamed of all the dumb stuff I've said and done - all the people I've hurt, and lives I've affected. Even if it's not that many people, I've really hurt the people who love me the most and have always been there for me. No one deserves to be put down.
I am truly in love with the sober man within. I never want to see the people I love high and coming down, lost and scared. I am so passionate about caring for my loved ones, and seeing them take pride in me. Caring for myself is a new passion - I never really prioritized myself before. In order to make a full recovery and take pride in myself, I must do what I can to mend the mistakes I've made over the last few year. Karma really is a bitch, but what would we do without her? I have become so aware of the repercussions of my actions, and as hard as it is, accepted responsibility for all the things I've done. I have "found myself," so many times in the last few years, and am finally able to live with myself, the lies, the love, the lust, the pain, the fame, the struggle, and the many things and people I am blessed to have in my life.
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